| Hello from Sydney! |
[Aug. 22nd, 2011|10:20 pm] |
Good day to all! :)
I had a sudden calling and eventually got directed here. Looking back on past posts, I must say I've been a little on the dark side, way too dark. It is good to know that I am no longer in that sphere. The storm is over. Here I am, more than a few thousand miles away from home and loved ones, where I decided to pen my thoughts, for what's worth.
Until last night did I truly comprehend "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". In less than a month's time marks the passing of a year. During this period of time, tears were shed, tempers flared and my life revolved around healing. Physically, the wounds have all healed, but still pink and tender from the merciless saws and surgical cuts.
Sometimes I wonder how did I ever get through a massive surgery just like that? It seems like just yesterday I was getting prepped for the op, and bidding farewell to my parents and sisters. Even at the mere thought of recalling the events leading to today brings tears to my eyes. It isn't easy getting by, I felt alone, constrained in my body, my actions and thoughts. That if I were to do something it wouldn't seem like the right thing to do.
Now that its been a year, I am reminded of the gift of life bestowed upon me. I am grateful for the care and gestures by family, friends and loved ones. Not long ago, I was asked how I was doing, and my answer was "I'm contented with life right now". It is just the right words to describe how I feel about life. And I definitely hope that everyone has been well. :)
Till the next time,
love, Mathilda xx
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| Beautiful poem |
[Jan. 26th, 2011|02:33 am] |
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
- Mary Elizabeth Frye, 1932 |
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| Palm Sunday (1981) |
[Oct. 15th, 2010|05:36 pm] |
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"Jokes can be noble. Laughs are exactly as honorable as tears. Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion, to the futility of thinking and striving anymore. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward — and since I can start thinking and striving again that much sooner."
- Kurt Vonnegut
This quote makes helluva meaning. While I wanted to share this on the-social-network we all know, I came to realise that appreciation of such is rare and I would rather save it for myself than bare it to eyes of no worthy. xx |
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| A man of words and not of deeds by John Fletcher |
[Sep. 1st, 2010|01:09 am] |
A man of words and not of deeds
Is like a garden full of weeds
And when the weeds begin to grow
It's like a garden full of snow
And when the snow begins to fall
It's like a bird upon the wall
And when the bird away does fly
It's like an eagle in the sky
And when the sky begins to roar
It's like a lion at the door
And when the door begins to crack
It's like a stick across your back
And when your back begins to smart
It's like a penknife in your heart
And when your heart begins to bleed
You're dead, and dead, and dead indeed. |
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| How are you? |
[Aug. 17th, 2010|01:52 am] |
I've always had a hypothetical mindset when it comes to people asking, 'How are you?' Because most of the time, they don't really mean to ask if you were doing fine, they just had to because the time was right. It is a routine question and the routine answer would be to say, 'I'm fine. How about you?'
It is really mind-blowing when you're asked of it with sincerity and out of pure concern. How much a simple question can help relieve a troubled mind? And say things that you didn't even realise that you bottled inside.
And now I found out that at the end of the day, nothing really matters more than having the support you need. It could really make a great deal of difference. |
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| This took me almost 1/2 hour. |
[Aug. 2nd, 2010|01:40 am] |
参加了一位好朋友的二十一岁生日派对，心里感触良多。
好久好久没有这种心情了，仿佛思考情绪与逻辑全都被抛到九霄云外。
心里总是觉得闷闷的，好像有说不出的话。
也许是和一位朋友聊完的后果吧。
他问我，“对你而言，幸福 / 快乐是什么？如何衡量？”
我顿时无法回答他，反正这也不是普通谈话中会问或聊到的问题。
后来，我想了一下，就这么答了他，
“我觉得幸福 / 快乐是有能力做自己想做的事情。。 可是，你又怎么知道你想做的事会让你感到快乐呢？”
我回答了他的问题，反回问了他另一个问题。
问题是永远找不到真确或标准答案的，
就像是一个结不开的谜。
生活如常不是那样，习惯就好。
如果无法适应，就没有生存的余地。
Take it or leave it, (do) live or die (trying). |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2010|01:05 am] |
How much is too much?
What if too much is still not enough?
Is there a scale for measuring everything. Or anything intangible.
Questions with no answers. |
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| zzzzz |
[May. 15th, 2010|10:49 am] |
I've never never ever felt so bored at home before. :(
I guess the sudden hiatus of work makes my hands itch. I miss work. I know I'm such a psychopath. Despite having an official MC to be exempted from work, I can't rest well, with the thought of a mountain load of work piling up, waiting to fall on me when I return on Monday.
I can't imagine what it would be like when June comes, when the new staff comes and take over my duties. I'll take some time to adapt to the non-hectic life.
Now, I've the whole of today and tomorrow to rot away. Ahhhh, I don't want to go back to reality. |
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| xxx |
[Apr. 22nd, 2010|10:03 am] |
Sappy movies, tear jerking novels. I miss doing what I like. The hiatus from not living a proper damn life made me forgot how to play Tears in Heaven on my guitar.
And so last night was bad, it started in the morning, when ipod shuffled your song and it was playing on repeat on the way to work. It made me recall the first time in many years we met again. It was like the most anticipated day of the entire year 08'. Now everything is but a memory etched in the back of my mind. If I could rewind time, I might have done the same thing but keep a lifetime friend.
I need a getaway from the hustle and suffocating place. |
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| in all words mean |
[Feb. 28th, 2010|07:27 pm] |
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didactic admonition emaciated apparitions consternation languidly merriment somnolence cloistered subtlety placid arbor of life and love fecundity seclusion officialdom aphorisms chastity palanquins adamant furtively cloisonne-dishes feeble emulate unfathomable emissaries perilous tumultuous porcelain-jardiniere cacophony mediocre laments assailed |
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| You're not the boss of anyone |
[Feb. 9th, 2010|04:57 pm] |
So what if you're the boss, so what if your company profits sum up to millions annually? No doubt money makes the world go round, but you'll go round the world with money and your lonesome self because of your erratic behavior.
This is not the way to be, morally, logically and humanly. I value morality, and by doing what you've done, you've failed completely and miserably as a human. To save your egoistic balls, you acted like an MCP, an animal, raised your voice at your employee in the office with no wall partitions, which meant everyone heard you rave and flare your nostrils. You've crossed the line, this time. And to save my ass from catching the fire you blow, I'm packing up and leaving.
Good luck and no better luck for the coming new year. |
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| The way the words run down your back |
[Feb. 4th, 2010|02:44 pm] |
We won't need twenty steps today,
the gallery it swims away
in Monday shoes.
It's awful tempting, might black,
the way the words run down your back,
beneath the gentle sway of paper lantern moons.
Could you be quick or be,
could you be quick or be tired.
The tock, the tick of it,
atop the funeral pyre.
We're in the thick of it,
so bite the brick of it all.
We gnaw through limbs to extricate ourselves,
from where we stand and where we fell,
when we don't know how
to sidsetep when tiny guns
have made their way through the best of us,
beneath the gentle sway of paper lantern moons.
Could you be quick or be,
could you be quick or be tired.
The tock, the tick of it,
atop the funeral pyre.
We're in the thick of it,
so bite the brick of it all.
Your tithing teeth have never sung,
a fitting tune for a setting sun.
I know your ghost is somewhere good.
We haven't seen and we'll never know,
where summer sleeps and the springtime goes.
We only hope it's somewhere good.
This song is really addictive.
Imagine yourself on a relaxing road trip. Just you and a few close friends. The radio's playing this song and all of the people sings to it, some misses a lyric or two, have a good laugh and everyone's happy all over again. :) |
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| My Life Is (SO) Average |
[Jan. 28th, 2010|10:09 am] |
I need a purpose - for my life, something to fight for, to work towards.
If my life was translated into a mathematical graph, it will probably look like it is full of horizontal lines and rare diagonal lines forming peaks then back to horizontal lines.
P.S - I really hate acronyms formed from sentences, especially FML or FTW or whatever fuck that means I have zero idea.
Acronyms are often less clumsy than the complete expressions they represent and are easier to write and remember. (dictionarydotcom) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2010|11:15 pm] |
| [ | Listening to |
| | Jimmy Eat World - Lucky Denver Mint | ] |
Guy Perkins (starring Jeremy Jordan) could have very well been my high school sweetheart. ♥
(From the movie, Never Been Kissed in 1999) |
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| Fighting for the right reasons |
[Jan. 17th, 2010|01:56 am] |
| [ | Listening to |
| | Hollywood, Mon Amour - Flashdance... What a Feeling | ] |
I miss that fiery spirited self, when I was raised high above the clouds. I've long forgotten the promises I made, to never let myself down and fall, because picking myself up will take a lot more courage than I thought it would. It isn't easy, but I am trying real hard to fight that obstinate heart of mine. Ironically, the heart does have full control over the body, because once it shuts down that will be the end of me and you. So this is an extremely tough fight. No excuses, cross my heart.
Just thought that it'll be nice to have you around, then maybe I'll know what to do. Miss you, friend. |
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| Wait a minute |
[Jan. 11th, 2010|09:47 pm] |
Hello world, how has your Monday been? I reckon many people vent their Monday blues on you. Like stepping on the beautiful patches of green grass instead of walking on concrete pavements.
I stumbled along notebook doodles last week. If only life was as sweet as the pages.
I don't know what the future holds, what I'm holding onto and what's holding onto me anymore. Need some time to figure. |
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| Dreadful Monday(s) |
[Jan. 9th, 2010|01:38 am] |
Not only are my Mondays coated blue, they're turning into the biggest nightmare of all time.
Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door.
I'll be there again coming Monday. Pretty much gonna be a lifetime regular. Wonder if there's any membership? Like when you drink bubble tea you can collect stamps and redeem something when you hit 10 cups or 50. Its a marketing strategy ass-gi-age should be looking at. Good night. |
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| Shit happens? |
[Jan. 8th, 2010|11:05 am] |
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My body seems to dislike my intake, thus decides to create an upheave every morning. We can officially play matching games now; ass to toilet bowl, fingers to keyboard. Haha. |
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| Happy two-zero-one-zero |
[Jan. 1st, 2010|10:31 am] |
It is 10:01am on the 1st of January 2010 and I just got home.
No no, it wasn't a late night party out till too drunk/wasted to get home, it was working at an countdown event - Gatecrashers @ Marina Barrage by IMG world, first ever in my life, and a pretty memorable one to remember by.
Us at the Gatecrashers. :)
Had a good time to kick start the brand new year.
The good:
#1 Really friendly bunch of bartenders at the level one bar area :D
#2 There was really no crowd(expected 20,000, the most only 2000 were present), so we ended up talking and throwing ice at each other for the half the time!
#3 Super free flow of drinks, but of course we didn't get too over with the drinking like those on level two (bloody mina with stupid elastic headband)
The bad:
#4 ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) xoxonanamal and I were located at level one, so when the fireworks at Marina Bay went off, we were blocked by the Marina Bay Sands Resort, so we practically saw only 1/20 of the fireworks
#5 The organizers; (read this if you wanna pry into the organization's politics & lousy management) in 4 simple words: inefficient, inflexible, selfish & intolerable
#6 To continue from #5, the management took 2 hours to calculate the profits from the cashiers. You must be thinking 'wow they must have earned a lot', but it was just 4 digits lah for heaven's sake, and giving them 2 hours to calculate is really my limits stretched to the maximum. In the end, our 6pm to 6am job was extended for another 2 hours till 8am, thus me home, grumpy & growly on a New Year's Day.
The morale of the story, for the organizers, are probably to know their standards before setting up such a big scale event with a turnout of a miserly 1/20 of the expected crowd, in turn, a waste of resources including food, beverages, wages, electricity, invaluable time, etc. And for the staff, to really get an idea of the organizer before diving head down into a pool of attractive looking but unknown substance that happens to be faeces.
There's a particular forum I found while google-ing, titled: 'Isn't Marina Barrage a public place?' Read up and have a good (cold) laugh. Happy New Year to all friends and readers, have a jolly good year ahead and bulldoze your way through the year! :D |
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| Tainted heart of mine |
[Dec. 26th, 2009|11:06 pm] |
The hardest thing to do, is to face your fear or things that upset you the most, being truthful to yourself and not hide under your blankets, cry to sleep and wake up and pretend as though everything is fine.
This Christmas could have been spent with more appreciation. Seems like it past by really quickly, there were not at all any chances of slowing down the frames per minute.
Mostly importantly, I'm glad that my Christmas wasn't spent in the hospital, because it sucks to be sick and trapped in an unfriendly environment during a festive season, and I mean Christmas and New Year. For family and friends that had their lives revolving around school, work and hospital, it was quite a lot to handle at that period of time, so thank you for those who cared (and had no choice but to). :)
For the New Year approaching in less than a week, there are plenty of things to be ironed out and sorted out. Mostly with the inner demon in me. It carries negative energies and triggers the pessimistic thoughts within me. Sometimes I feel that I haven't tried hard enough, to move on from the shadows of the past, it is so deeply imprinted that I cannot seem to shake it off, it get dragged in my tracks. I feel like all the worst things that could happen turned to me.
I'm like a branch fallen from a tree, just one step is all it takes to break. |
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| Reasoning reason |
[Dec. 19th, 2009|09:53 pm] |
 (via coryashley on flickr)
Like they always say, things don't happen without reason. But we're often too blinded or oblivious to the underlying cause of a situation. Why so? Are too afraid that the truth will hurt, or that it would be too good to make believe?
On a side note: am not exactly thrilled by Book Fest @ Suntec due to their limited english titles. Then again, since I found two books (The Bell Jar - Sylvia Path & Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov) that I wanted for my own and I got both, I'm pretty much a happy girl. :) The few hours out made me so weary. So goodnight! |
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| Live with gratitude |
[Dec. 18th, 2009|01:17 am] |
| [ | I'm |
| |  grateful | ] |
I guess I've been too self absorbed, so much so that I have officially lost track of your birthdays, to not realize at one look; the increasing grey strands in that hair of black, the receding hairline, the burdened eye pouches, the now visible wrinkles forming at the side of your eyes and lip when it curves upward to a smile.
It really is time to begin not taking things for granted, to erase the mindset that it is a must to be provided and not be self sufficient, that the same people you see in life will be standing by and with you for the journey we call life. I know that I'll never be able to repay my parents for the life they have bestowed me, and for all (good) that they have done for me. In exchange for my life, was their youth and probably the best part of their lives.
And at this very moment, even if I do not get what I think I ought to, from them, I cannot bear a grudge or let it breathe down my neck, because I owe my existence to them. I'll probably try to tuck the grudge deep under covers and may it never be heaved. |
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| Message in a Bottle (Not) |
[Dec. 4th, 2009|09:04 pm] |
This is what will (continue) to happen in future if I do get to get my own apartment and live alone. I loathe the sight of pests like this (and many more). For that evil one in the above picture, I took a great amount of effort to subdue it, squeezing mama lemon on it till it was rotating like a needle in a compass.
I've churned out a list of must have(s) at home:
- A bottle of dish-washing liquid - preferably mama lemon cause it contains acidic content.
- A disposable tupper ware container.
Is there a place existing in this world that is pest free? |
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| Time for thinking |
[Nov. 26th, 2009|09:33 pm] |
There are times when my mind gets invaded by thoughts, often a progression of a single point or starting thought, evolving into an analogy. This is what I call, peak periods, when my brain is overactive.
Just before, in the midst of preparing yet another night of dinner for the family after a day at work, an abrupt question popped into my head like a nasty pimple, 'Why did people take things and people for granted why do they have to wait for something to befall to know the word cherish?'.
If you knew that your life was limited, much more limited than a normal person, would it have altered the way you live your life?
If that happened would you know and learn wise not to take things for granted?
Would you live as though you were going to die tomorrow?
Having brush past the gates of hell/heaven and still hovering, waiting around to gain admission/rejection, I can't say that I haven't grown wiser over the past year. Superficially, I might have kept my guard up, putting on a front, but deep within, from the core of my soul, I've straightened my perspectives and learned not to take things for granted.
What I cannot withstand is people taking me for granted. They think that you'll always be around, for you to kick and punch, for you to clear up your stinging mess and wipe your ass after you, for you to treat as a modern new world slave. I may be seen as a self centered, obnoxious person, but you are a million folds worst, satan's little friend and devil's advocate. |
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| Delightful |
[Nov. 21st, 2009|10:03 am] |
Watching Grey's Anatomy Season 6 Episode 10 - Holidaze got me into the festive mood! ♥ Which reminded me of my last Christmas spent at the horrible place. Ahh, we're in a country so lacking of Christmas spirits. No winter, no snow.
Anyhow, this is such a pleasant way to kick start my Saturday morning, with occasional cooling breezes blowing through the window. What I'm lacking of right now could just be a cup of Starbucks and a tuna croissant filled with extra tomatos. ♥♥
Everyday we get to give the gift of life, it can be painful, it can be terrifying, but in the end it's worth it. Every time. We all have the opportunity to give. Maybe the gifts are not as dramatic as what happens in the operating room, maybe the gift is to try and make a simple apology, maybe it's to understand another person's point of view, maybe it's to hold a secret for a friend. The joy supposedly is in the giving, so when the joy is gone, when the giving starts to feel more like a burden, that's when you stop. But if you're like most people I know, you give till it hurts, and then you give some more.
Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2009|12:22 pm] |
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Are you coming back to me?
was the last and only sentence my mind captured of the dream,
one I had before I awaken in bewilderment this morning.
There was no persuasion, no pleading or on one knee,
just a hand in mine.
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| Hold up |
[Oct. 31st, 2009|01:10 pm] |
"Just remember, same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continue on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it at all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments that you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of it matters. We're just warming up."
Chuck Palahniuk
American Freelance Journalist, Satirist and Novelist
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| Whimsically Wednesday |
[Oct. 28th, 2009|10:40 pm] |
I was so absorbed in my own troubles that I overlooked that of those happening to the people around me.
Just, I spent less than fifteen minutes listening to daddy iterate the worries weighing his mind. Honestly, those financial firms should end their so called 100% capital return lies to lure people to join their investment plans. What more, it is the hard earned money gained in return of labour, time, sweat and blood.
Same goes for people who 'invests' their feelings into others or objects of affection. Knowingly or not, they give in their everything. What they do not realise is that, one can never expect the output to be equivalent to the input. Things as such can never be guaranteed. There is no right formula or equation to these.
So I always say and tell, people should never trust easily, for the saying goes, 'no pain, no gain.'
Now, I just hope that this incident will pass like a breeze, that daddy will get over it quick, and that those hateful bastards should deserve a big spank on their muthafucking asses for tarnishing the finance sector.
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| verb-alisation |
[Sep. 29th, 2009|01:32 am] |
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Caught in a whirlpool,
Swirling deeper down,
Nothing to hang onto,
Waiting to hit the end.
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| #1891 |
[Sep. 16th, 2009|01:11 am] |
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| #57 |
[Sep. 9th, 2009|12:55 pm] |
| [ | Listening to |
| | Lincoln Hawk - Everytime | ] |
+
every time you
walk away or run away
you take a piece of me with you there. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 3rd, 2009|03:43 am] |
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While I'm madly insanely awake when I woke up at 8 in the morning yesterday, gazillion things are racing in my mind, fighting for an opportunity to be of top priority.
Change is something that we all face, but almost everyone dislikes having change, and I belong to the group 'everyone'.
Having to adapt to new surroundings and situations, unfamiliar faces and places, not having people you call friends and family to be around, people you know that has gone and left the mortal world, that is something to be handled and dealt with.
Escapism has all along been my way of dealing with change, since time came when the option 'to face it' was no longer in working conditions, 'to run away' felt like a safer option, however, little did I know that it would meant that there wasn't going to be a way out.
Now, its making me turn in small little circles, like how a coin rotates on a flat surface. It will stop sometime, when it loses its forces. But I reckon it'd be better for a right smack down palm action that will help to halt the turn.
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| Q&A time |
[Aug. 23rd, 2009|06:42 pm] |
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When you give until there's nothing remaining, what is there left to do?
The weather isn't helping, all it did was create abundant rainfall, eventually contributing to an overflow. I don't wish to think this way, but almost everything has been happening in such chronological order that it is hard not to believe.
Beyond what words can express, the insensitive behavior; not once but repeatedly, the un-understanding, I try really hard to endure. But it is like me against the world, this vernomous cycle refuses to flash the red lights, its like a solitary brick, ends up a wall of bricks piled up to its maximum, loses stability and falls over and so forth.
I am only human, there is this much I can handle, there are times when I crumble. I'd give what I can, I'd do all things within my abilities. So won't you try putting yourself in my shoes, walk a mile for me, and tell me what is there left to do?
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| cap⋅ti⋅vate (kap-tuh-veyt) |
[Aug. 16th, 2009|10:57 pm] |
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The strings of a guitar being heard from a distance,
with summer to be autumn winds blowing,
lifts your tired lonesome souls up by bit,
picture yourself under a sky of passing grey clouds,
the better (battle) of thoughts pile, nice day it was.
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| Gotta get-get |
[Aug. 11th, 2009|10:30 pm] |
| [ | I'm |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
I've missed out moments like these, when I try to recall, savage and enjoy the awesome-ness of good times because they're so hard to get by, especially nowadays. Gradually, I am beginning a habit of documenting thoughts down, somehow it serves as practice, that silently I want to and am putting in effort, slowly but steadily getting prepared for school, though it maybe say a few year(s) before I really get to live my dream.
After being held captive within the confinements of four walls for almost a week, today marks the release of a sickly-slowly-recovering-soul. Everything seems different after you battle viruses and high temperatures with nothing but medication for the ill, it makes you feel like a complete stranger in your own body. And since it wasn't long ago that I fell really sick, had to pack my bags to head for the the CGH's A&E, this time round, I am relieved that I did not contract anything, for that matter H1N1 or something that could have been a one way ticket to the hospital.
I wish to say that the air felt fresher than before, after stepping outdoors for 7 days at home. But the air is so badly polluted that the once clear view I get in front of my window every morning becomes a suffocating scenery to be looking at, now.
I cannot hope for more, but for friends to have less suffer-able times at work plus an early knockoff would be a bonus, and for those happily furthering their studies that they should be contented for being able to feel stressed up about academic and not for the fact that they could have been school-less.
Times are hard, and they will be wreaking all the havoc they could, but I guess being able to look forward is the best thing to be doing.
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| I'm a dreamer. |
[Aug. 10th, 2009|01:01 pm] |
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I had a pleasant dream this morning, about me wanting to make my own skirts, heading off to places, sourcing for fabric, materials and being all girl-y. Then the dream ended with me thinking that I do not own a workable sewing machine, alas dream crashed into reality and I was forced to blink myself awake.
I don't know how I am going to continue dreaming, thinking and attempting to make my life feel & sound fulfilling, when I haven't had much to begin with in the first place. Times like these I wished for that fiery fighting spirit to go out to the world and earn my first proper paycheck.
I know that it is possible, that this dream has its realistic side and it is tangible.
Now, let me slide back into reality, enjoy my earned hot pipin' pizza, couch in front of the computer with my dramas and continue dreaming away.
♥ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2009|12:27 am] |
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The day before check up day is always missing something, like a half filled glass of water, a tree with no leaves, a page with lines but no words, a person without friends, a sentence missing a fullstop.
Let's hope that the leaking heart does nothing but not get worse, the heart never stops beating without me saying yes.
Its the little things that touches me the most.
"If the stone is too heavy, let me know, I'll help."
Before we turn to stone, it is good to know that there's someone around to share the burden.
♥ good night
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| ain't got no religion |
[Jun. 29th, 2009|12:23 am] |
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Today, my mind formed a thought, a set of story about how the Gods came about.
If you didn't know yet, I used to believe that Jesus was my God and creator of the universe. He died on the cross for the sinners of the world. What I find so magical about God is that he gives people, us, the followers something to believe in. That we completely and utterly put our trust and hope in him. So when we find that the world is crumbling down like London Bridge, he comes along to put some faith and glitter in our souls, ensuring us a way out of our adversity.
I used to believe, but now I don't. I cannot comprehend why good/kind people can die young or even die, why the rich goes with filthy and poor goes with beggar, when there are so many people out there who plans terrorist attacks but are still breathing the same air, heart pumping with life. I don't believe in people dying and going to a better place. We are just hoping that the deceased will be in a better place. I don't believe in that faith that God gives, because those are but something with a shell, but empty within. Like a present under the Christmas tree that is so nicely wrapped up that you don't realise nothing is inside.
The reason for Gods, are that they are creator by another, an overall creator if you can say so. This creator made a few Gods to cater to various different categories of personalities and people. Their job, is to instill hope and boost the human morale. However, there are also a huge number who can survive without a God 'looking' over them.
So I say, we don't even need a 'God', who is un-factual/real but made to make us feel better, to make us who we want to be.
I believe that, the true God is within yourself. No one else, or nothing should make you believe in than you yourself.
My eye balls are so tired, I can hear them screaming, "Halt!" |
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| face the consequences |
[Jun. 22nd, 2009|02:57 pm] |
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"In general, lines are there for a reason. For security, for clarity. If you choose to cross the line, you pretty much do so at your own risk. So why is it that the bigger the line, the greater the temptation to cross it? We cant help ourselves. When we see a line we want to cross it. Maybe it’s the thrill of the unfamiliar, a sort of personal dare. The only problem is once that you’ve crossed, it’s almost impossible to go back. But, if you do manage to make it back across the line, you find safety in numbers."
- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy Season 2 Episode 15: Break On Through |
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| braces-stranger |
[Jun. 12th, 2009|11:19 pm] |
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For the past 2 days, I've been looking across the streams of human traffic to every other opposite side. Every time my eyes sweep pass the 10 o'clock direction, there's always someone looking back. :) The presence of this stranger seems to be overpowering and it gives me some kind of unknowing strength from within. I'm getting so used to this stranger that every time I need to see him around/there to push on and continue the long and tedious day. 2 more days to the end of the show. How I wish this would last forever.
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| realisation |
[Jun. 2nd, 2009|02:13 pm] |
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Today, I've learned that:
One's uncertainty can result in another's responsibility.
& that, a problem if misinterpreted can lead to serious complications.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2009|06:34 pm] |
| [ | I'm |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
This tiny invasion is causing a lot of harm and unhappiness right now.
It is restricting my freedom and hindering my life.
I am not used to entertaining when I don't wish to, in fact I wish I had lost my senses.
That I would do away with replying.
There has to be a resolution somewhere.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2009|05:05 am] |
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" Life wounds all of us. At best there is sorrow enough to go round. Yet because the deepest wounds are those of the souls and hidden to mortal sight, we keep hurting each other day by day, inflicting wounds that time mercifully scars over. But the scars remain, ready at a touch to throb angrily and ache again with the old gnawing wild pain."
- Unknown |
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| :) |
[Apr. 21st, 2009|01:10 am] |
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Give me something worthy of believing in,
and I will live my life up to the dreams.
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| the good note |
[Mar. 12th, 2009|05:10 am] |
What a time to be up and still amazingly awake! I don't know how to put it but, I wished for this awake-ness during FYP but it didn't come true. Now when I don't need to be up and wide eyed, I sadly am.
So it is, the life after a good 3 years of tertiary education. Something that we always say, 'Can't wait for it to end!' Looking back, I thought that if I knew there was today to come, I would have reconsidered saying that umpteen times in the past 5 months.
The truth is, some cannot wait to finish up with FYP, but we'll like to stay on and let things run like how it is for a while more, before we have to drag our souls up and out where we rooted ourselves these years. So ironically contradicting, there's a time for moving on, and this is going to be it.
I don't know what to expect after the diploma show, when that will draw an end to messy floors littered with scraps of cardboards, dried up UHU glue traces over my hands and legs, to-do-lists fixed on the walls, handful load of library books overdue, getting fed up at the lag laptop and slamming the mouse, so much more.
For now, it will be indulgence in these moments before the official close to this chapter. :)
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mathildaho's journal
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