ind(ependent) + -ie

85 hours, 9 days of the 4/4 year

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 07:56:14 GMT

As the title of the cut suggests, its pictorial week, from le route de work, to the path leading back to the train station. All I see now, is day and noon (only during lunch time do I step out into the sun) and night.

In the day.
I risk my life walking along these tiny streets, reason simply being the lack of proper foot paths/pavements.
On a side note, I adore the row of shop houses, particularly those on the right in the picture. They add a tint of color to the blandness of life. :)

In transition.
The place that holds the office, most of the time looking like how it is.

When the dark falls, the hustling and bustling.
Needless to say, this is Little India. And now that explains why I have such a urging crave for Roti Prata, one that has been strongly resisted with self control.

Now when I say pictorial, I can hardly avoid typing more. Work has been a fresh breath of air, I couldn't ask for more at this moment. Apart from doing things of familiarity and of practice for years, I am waiting for time to fly by, for the bigger opportunity to fall into my laps like a ray of sunshine.

So it is good to say that I am moving up, on and ahead.
Thank heavens!

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 05:33:39 GMT

Are you coming back to me?

was the last and only sentence my mind captured of the dream,
one I had before I awaken in bewilderment this morning.

There was no persuasion, no pleading or on one knee,
just a hand in mine.

Hold up

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 05:20:46 GMT

"Just remember, same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continue on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it at all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments that you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of it matters. We're just warming up."

Chuck Palahniuk
American Freelance Journalist, Satirist and Novelist

Whimsically Wednesday

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:26:29 GMT

I was so absorbed in my own troubles that I overlooked that of those happening to the people around me.

Just, I spent less than fifteen minutes listening to daddy iterate the worries weighing his mind. Honestly, those financial firms should end their so called 100% capital return lies to lure people to join their investment plans. What more, it is the hard earned money gained in return of labour, time, sweat and blood.

Same goes for people who 'invests' their feelings into others or objects of affection. Knowingly or not, they give in their everything. What they do not realise is that, one can never expect the output to be equivalent to the input. Things as such can never be guaranteed. There is no right formula or equation to these.

So I always say and tell, people should never trust easily, for the saying goes, 'no pain, no gain.'

Now, I just hope that this incident will pass like a breeze, that daddy will get over it quick, and that those hateful bastards should deserve a big spank on their muthafucking asses for tarnishing the finance sector.

verb-alisation

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 17:50:41 GMT

Caught in a whirlpool,
Swirling deeper down,
Nothing to hang onto,
Waiting to hit the end.

when life was almost all in black and white

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 10:57:01 GMT

American Graffiti (1973)

Won't you want to time travel back to the 70's, rock n' roll party all night long and live life like you'd love to?

#1891

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 17:20:46 GMT

#57

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 04:56:50 GMT

           +
     every time you
     walk away or run away
       you take a piece of me with you there.

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 20:12:32 GMT

While I'm madly insanely awake when I woke up at 8 in the morning yesterday, gazillion things are racing in my mind, fighting for an opportunity to be of top priority.

Change is something that we all face, but almost everyone dislikes having change, and I belong to the group 'everyone'.
Having to adapt to new surroundings and situations, unfamiliar faces and places, not having people you call friends and family to be around, people you know that has gone and left the mortal world, that is something to be handled and dealt with.

Escapism has all along been my way of dealing with change, since time came when the option 'to face it' was no longer in working conditions, 'to run away' felt like a safer option, however, little did I know that it would meant that there wasn't going to be a way out.

Now, its making me turn in small little circles, like how a coin rotates on a flat surface. It will stop sometime, when it loses its forces. But I reckon it'd be better for a right smack down palm action that will help to halt the turn.

Q&A time

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 11:18:48 GMT

When you give until there's nothing remaining, what is there left to do?

The weather isn't helping, all it did was create abundant rainfall, eventually contributing to an overflow. I don't wish to think this way, but almost everything has been happening in such chronological order that it is hard not to believe.

Beyond what words can express, the insensitive behavior; not once but repeatedly, the un-understanding, I try really hard to endure. But it is like me against the world, this vernomous cycle refuses to flash the red lights, its like a solitary brick, ends up a wall of bricks piled up to its maximum, loses stability and falls over and so forth.

I am only human, there is this much I can handle, there are times when I crumble. I'd give what I can, I'd do all things within my abilities. So won't you try putting yourself in my shoes, walk a mile for me, and tell me what is there left to do?

cap⋅ti⋅vate (kap-tuh-veyt)

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 15:27:32 GMT

The strings of a guitar being heard from a distance,
with summer to be autumn winds blowing,
lifts your tired lonesome souls up by bit,
picture yourself under a sky of passing grey clouds,
the better (battle) of thoughts pile, nice day it was.

Gotta get-get

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 14:51:19 GMT

I've missed out moments like these, when I try to recall, savage and enjoy the awesome-ness of good times because they're so hard to get by, especially nowadays. Gradually, I am beginning a habit of documenting thoughts down, somehow it serves as practice, that silently I want to and am putting in effort, slowly but steadily getting prepared for school, though it maybe say a few year(s) before I really get to live my dream.

After being held captive within the confinements of four walls for almost a week, today marks the release of a sickly-slowly-recovering-soul. Everything seems different after you battle viruses and high temperatures with nothing but medication for the ill, it makes you feel like a complete stranger in your own body. And since it wasn't long ago that I fell really sick, had to pack my bags to head for the the CGH's A&E, this time round, I am relieved that I did not contract anything, for that matter H1N1 or something that could have been a one way ticket to the hospital.

I wish to say that the air felt fresher than before, after stepping outdoors for 7 days at home. But the air is so badly polluted that the once clear view I get in front of my window every morning becomes a suffocating scenery to be looking at, now.

I cannot hope for more, but for friends to have less suffer-able times at work plus an early knockoff would be a bonus, and for those happily furthering their studies that they should be contented for being able to feel stressed up about academic and not for the fact that they could have been school-less.

Times are hard, and they will be wreaking all the havoc they could, but I guess being able to look forward is the best thing to be doing.

I'm a dreamer.

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 05:14:25 GMT

I had a pleasant dream this morning, about me wanting to make my own skirts, heading off to places, sourcing for fabric, materials and being all girl-y. Then the dream ended with me thinking that I do not own a workable sewing machine, alas dream crashed into reality and I was forced to blink myself awake.

I don't know how I am going to continue dreaming, thinking and attempting to make my life feel & sound fulfilling, when I haven't had much to begin with in the first place. Times like these I wished for that fiery fighting spirit to go out to the world and earn my first proper paycheck.

I know that it is possible, that this dream has its realistic side and it is tangible.

Now, let me slide back into reality, enjoy my earned hot pipin' pizza, couch in front of the computer with my dramas and continue dreaming away.
♥

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 16:42:32 GMT

The day before check up day is always missing something, like a half filled glass of water, a tree with no leaves, a page with lines but no words, a person without friends, a sentence missing a fullstop.

Let's hope that the leaking heart does nothing but not get worse, the heart never stops beating without me saying yes.

Its the little things that touches me the most.
"If the stone is too heavy, let me know, I'll help."

Before we turn to stone, it is good to know that there's someone around to share the burden.

♥ good night

ain't got no religion

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 17:05:31 GMT

Today, my mind formed a thought, a set of story about how the Gods came about.

If you didn't know yet, I used to believe that Jesus was my God and creator of the universe. He died on the cross for the sinners of the world. What I find so magical about God is that he gives people, us, the followers something to believe in. That we completely and utterly put our trust and hope in him. So when we find that the world is crumbling down like London Bridge, he comes along to put some faith and glitter in our souls, ensuring us a way out of our adversity.

I used to believe, but now I don't. I cannot comprehend why good/kind people can die young or even die, why the rich goes with filthy and poor goes with beggar, when there are so many people out there who plans terrorist attacks but are still breathing the same air, heart pumping with life. I don't believe in people dying and going to a better place. We are just hoping that the deceased will be in a better place. I don't believe in that faith that God gives, because those are but something with a shell, but empty within. Like a present under the Christmas tree that is so nicely wrapped up that you don't realise nothing is inside.

The reason for Gods, are that they are creator by another, an overall creator if you can say so. This creator made a few Gods to cater to various different categories of personalities and people. Their job, is to instill hope and boost the human morale. However, there are also a huge number who can survive without a God 'looking' over them.

So I say, we don't even need a 'God', who is un-factual/real but made to make us feel better, to make us who we want to be.

I believe that, the true God is within yourself. No one else, or nothing should make you believe in than you yourself.

My eye balls are so tired, I can hear them screaming, "Halt!"

face the consequences

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 07:00:30 GMT

"In general, lines are there for a reason. For security, for clarity. If you choose to cross the line, you pretty much do so at your own risk. So why is it that the bigger the line, the greater the temptation to cross it? We cant help ourselves. When we see a line we want to cross it. Maybe it’s the thrill of the unfamiliar, a sort of personal dare. The only problem is once that you’ve crossed, it’s almost impossible to go back. But, if you do manage to make it back across the line, you find safety in numbers."

- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy Season 2 Episode 15: Break On Through

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:32:20 GMT

Yesterday at around 4p.m, I saw a freaking gay of a young man in his twenties on the North East Line MRT, sitting down beside the reserved seating for elderly, pregnant women and the lame. There was an old uncle who was limited in movement who boarded the train at Chinatown. Because there were no seats left, he stood for a good 2 stops before another almost 60 year old uncle gave up his seat to him.

So that freaking screwed up gay guy was like seated all while. Good heavens, I could see that he was faking his tiredness and pretending to 'fall asleep', for that I could have just gave him a tight slap on behalf of his parents for his poor upbringing. And as and when, he would open his eyes to take a 'peek' at this mobile phone, smiling and messaging. $*^&#%~!

I'm flipping mad, so mad that I will find all possible means to upload his picture on STOMP.
~~I want to throw shitbombs directly at your face!~~

braces-stranger

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 15:52:58 GMT

For the past 2 days, I've been looking across the streams of human traffic to every other opposite side. Every time my eyes sweep pass the 10 o'clock direction, there's always someone looking back. :) The presence of this stranger seems to be overpowering and it gives me some kind of unknowing strength from within. I'm getting so used to this stranger that every time I need to see him around/there to push on and continue the long and tedious day. 2 more days to the end of the show. How I wish this would last forever.

realisation

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 06:16:45 GMT

Today, I've learned that:

One's uncertainty can result in another's responsibility.
& that, a problem if misinterpreted can lead to serious complications.

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 10:39:33 GMT

This tiny invasion is causing a lot of harm and unhappiness right now.
It is restricting my freedom and hindering my life.
I am not used to entertaining when I don't wish to, in fact I wish I had lost my senses.
That I would do away with replying.
There has to be a resolution somewhere.

:)

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:14:45 GMT

Give me something worthy of believing in,
and I will live my life up to the dreams.

the good note

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 21:38:43 GMT

What a time to be up and still amazingly awake! I don't know how to put it but, I wished for this awake-ness during FYP but it didn't come true. Now when I don't need to be up and wide eyed, I sadly am.

So it is, the life after a good 3 years of tertiary education. Something that we always say, 'Can't wait for it to end!' Looking back, I thought that if I knew there was today to come, I would have reconsidered saying that umpteen times in the past 5 months.

The truth is, some cannot wait to finish up with FYP, but we'll like to stay on and let things run like how it is for a while more, before we have to drag our souls up and out where we rooted ourselves these years. So ironically contradicting, there's a time for moving on, and this is going to be it.

I don't know what to expect after the diploma show, when that will draw an end to messy floors littered with scraps of cardboards, dried up UHU glue traces over my hands and legs, to-do-lists fixed on the walls, handful load of library books overdue, getting fed up at the lag laptop and slamming the mouse, so much more.

For now, it will be indulgence in these moments before the official close to this chapter. :)

here's to 16 hours later

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 15:52:12 GMT

Just one last shot. After 4 pm tomorrow, I will be officially done with school! (not that I'm so desperate to graduate & leave TP but hell everyone is partying & letting their hair down alreadyyyyyy)

Let us all cross our fingers and toes, chants prayers in a million different languages and tongues, have a splendid good dream that I will pass (surely not with an A but with a C is uh-okay, a B will be my best gift, HAHA).

Today's been a great day, photoshoots & iad-ians. <3

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 13:39:20 GMT

Make me believe that every cloud has a silver lining.

life's recipe

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 17:43:52 GMT

Recipe for greatness - To bear up under loss, to fight the bitterness of defeat and the weakness of grief, to be victor over anger, to smile when tears are close, to resist evil men and base instincts, to hate hate and to love love, to go on when it would seem good to die, to seek ever after the glory and the dream, to look up with unquenchable faith in something evermore about to be, that is what any man can do, and so be great.

- Zane Grey